For fourteen years, I was left alone. No friends, no one to talk to. I was completely utterly alone after Luka left me. The only time I would have contact with another was to take their life to sustain my own worthless existence.

Fourteen years before that day.

He was different. He did not listen; he wouldn’t obey. He was rash and reckless…he still is. The first time he saw me feed, he smiled. Shinji called me a monster but Sho smiled.

I’ll never forget that smile. It was so beautiful. His dark eyes glittered; he was so perfect. I wish I could see his smile again. It’s been so many years since I last saw it. I haven’t been alone, but I have been lonely.

Everyday I look into Hana’s eyes and I see her father there. Sho’s eyes, his nose, his lips…his smile. That smile… I don’t know if he will ever forgive me for what I did. He left me and has never been back.

I couldn’t lose him though! I couldn’t just hold his shuddering body and let him die! I had to do it. I made him like me…and now he hates me for it. He’s stayed away for years.

So many years. Sho has missed his daughter growing up…It’s my fault. Today I see the only person left in my life off. She’s going away to study art. Hana is just like her mother. I smile slightly at the memories I have of those times, before I left my friends for nine years. When I came back, everything was falling apart; it was too late for me to put it back together. I just made things worse.

I watch as Hana walks away. This is it. I am where I was forty-five years ago, before I met Sho, when Luka left… Should I follow in my master’s footsteps? I am so tired of this life. I’m tired of feeding on others to live. What am I living for? What is there left? I only stayed so long for Hana.

But is that true? Don’t I still hope that someday Sho will come back? I want to see that smile one more time before I go to the ocean. That is my final wish.

My feet seem to lead me to the place I first saw Yi Chi*…the place where Toshi was killed, where so many things happened. Just today, Hana’s recreation of Yi Chi’s painting was unveiled. The splendor of it was so beautiful. Yet I can’t help but miss Yi Chi’s.

As I come upon the island where it stands proudly, there is a familiar statue of a man standing there. It can’t be though. I move to stand beside him, looking up at the painting as he was doing. “Are you mad at me?” I ask.

“No. How could I be? You’ve taken care of Hana all these years. I couldn’t…I couldn’t let her see me like this though,” the man answers.

“That’s why you went away…” I say in realization. I look at him, regret shining in my eyes. “I’m sorry, Sho.”

Sho nodded. “I’m sorry too,” he whispers. “I’m grateful you wouldn’t do this to Yi Chi though,” he says softly.

I nod. “I am too…Sho…Let’s go to the beach,” I say, knowing he would understand.

Sho nods. “Next time, if we’re reborn, things will be different,” he says. He takes my hand, intertwining our fingers. We get in the old white car, and drive towards the beach. The orange sun is coming over the horizon, sparkling over the crashing waves.

“It's stunning how much I think of you. That's all I needed to satisfy myself. Don't cry. We can meet again anytime, just by closing our eyes... The orange sun I saw with you at dusk making a face about to cry, the big farewell,” both Sho and I sing softly, the lyrics I had taught him long ago that Luka had taught me. Amidst the rising orange ball of fire and crashing waves, sitting in the white car, the undead slowly die; though we die with the hope of new life and a better end.


*I’m not sure if I’ve got the name right forgive me if I didn’t!

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