EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES



Chapter One

~~~

"Everytime I Close My Eyes" by Backstreet Boys



Everytime I close my eyes
Everytime I close my eyes


Listen, Boy, I don't know where to start
But every word I say comes straight from the heart
I've been so wrong
I never meant to hurt you
Oh Boy, I'm sorry
For what I put you through


Boy, I'd do anything
For one more chance (one more chance)
Cuz I want you back again (want you back)


Cuz everytime I close my eyes
I see your face and I wonder
When you close your eyes
Do you think about me?
Now I realize
I want you, Boy, and no other
Everytime I close my eyes
You're all that I see


You and I shared a life together
Each other was all we'd ever need (all we'd ever need)
I thought you would stay with me forever
But I took for granted
The love you gave to me
I keep on tryin' (keep on tryin')
Till the end (till the end)
Baby, I need you back with me again (I need you back)


And Boy, I'm goin' out of my mind
I miss you so much
I don't know what to do (what to do)
Please say it's just a matter of time
Until I feel your touch
Until you let me come back to you I'm in love with you


I think about you, Boy, every night
I'm in love and it feels so right
I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain
I was just caught up in that lying game
But now those days are over
I've changed my ways
And now I'm countin' the minutes
I'm countin' the days
Until you let me come back
Until you let me start
To find a new way to get back into your heart


Boy, I'd do anything for one more chance (one more chance)
Cuz I want you
I want you back again (I want you back)


~~~

"So that's all I meant to you, Orlando?" I ask, staring into the chocolate eyes in disbelief. "You become famous and

I'm history. Fuck you, I thought you loved me." I restrain the urge to scream in his face. I know this is hurting him too and I'm being a bit harsh. Orlando's confused by the sudden fame thrust upon him. "Baby, don't leave me," I beg him, reaching out to touch him, but he shies away from my touch. "Baby, I love you. Don't leave, please."

His soulful brown eyes stare into my green ones and he whispers, "Let me go, Kit. I have to." He chokes on his words and I want nothing more than to gather him in my arms and kiss away the pain and confusion. "I can't do this any more, okay... With my acting we'd be apart, and I can't make you quit your life to follow me around."

"Don't give me that shit, Orlando. I would rather lose everything, my life, to keep you. I don't want to live without you, Orlando. I'm serious. How can you throw away our relationship like it's nothing? I thought you wanted to marry me, Orlando. We were going..." My words are silenced as Orlando shakes his head, jumping out of my car, slamming the door. My heart breaks in two as the slam resounds in my head, echoing on and on.

~~~

Kit's words hit me like knives. It's not like I want to leave him. He's the love of my life, my soul. It's tearing me apart to do this, but my agent said I have to appear straight. I can't be with him and start a career in acting. I'll make things right when my career is secure, I swear I will. I have to do this. I don't want to. I really hate hurting him.

I can't take it any more; the more he talks, the more my resolve softens. I have to leave him. Finally, I get out and slam the door. Pausing a second, I whisper, "I'm sorry," knowing he won't hear me. I run to my make-up trailer for Pirates. Maybe after Pirates I'll be able to go back to him. It's not fair what I did, I know that. I hurt the person I love most in the world. I can't take those words back. That's the thing when something's been said. It's said; you can't take it back.

All I want right now is him in my arms, nuzzling my neck. It won't happen; can't happen. I know he's probably beyond angry with me, and with good reason. I deserve to have him hate me. Though I know I can't lose his love. I'll go back... I swear I will.

~~~

I stare at the phone, willing it to ring. Willing Orlando to call and say he's sorry, that he didn't mean it. That he wants me back. I know he's hurting; I could see it in his eyes. He hated hurting me, he hated tearing us apart. He has some pathetic reason he didn't tell me, but maybe someday he'll come back to me. I feel so empty...so alone, without him here. The house is too quiet. With a sigh, I pick up the phone and call one of our best friends.

"Hello?"

"Liv..." I say, trying not to cry. "He left me, Liv." I hold the phone tightly and wait for Liv to answer me.

"What? Orlando left you? Why? How?" she asks, her voice an octave above its normal pitch. I know she's shocked; I'm shocked too.

"Just come over, Liv, please," I say, half begging. I need someone around to make some sense of this, and I know that if anyone can, it's Liv. "Please," I whimper again, hoping she'll just say yes.

"Alright, hold on, Kit. I'm coming over," Liv replies. "I'll talk to you in about 30 minutes, okay? If you need me, call my cell."

"Okay," I say as I hang up the phone, letting out a relieved breath. What would I do without Liv? I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. ET is on; I sigh as I leave it there. Then they have this special about Lord of the Rings and Orlando is on there talking, and I start crying. Quickly, I turn off the TV and scream in frustration, throwing the remote. How could he do this to me? How? Why? I am worth so little? "Hurry, up Liv," I mutter, knowing I needed someone to talk me down right now.

Chapter Two

Ghost Of You And Me
Written By: Jon Lind and Richard Page
Published By: Big Mystique (BMI) and Little Dume Music administered by EMI Virgin Songs (BMI)
What am I supposed to do with all these blues?
Haunting me
Everywhere no matter what I do


Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
When will this night be over?


[chorus]
I didn't mean to fall
In love with you
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
It isn't love
It's robbery
I'm sleeping with a ghost of you and me


Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships
Lost at sea and one of them is mine


Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me


I didn't mean to fall
In love with you
And baby there's a name
For all the things you do
It isn't love
It's robbery
I'm sleeping with a ghost of you and me


The ghost of you and me, when will it set me free
I hear the voices call following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left on my heart and soul...


Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
I can't let go
When will this night be over?

[chorus 2x]


~~~

Stupid, idiotic prick. Orlando needs a good session of ass kicking. I'm pretty sure I'm the woman to do it, but I can't leave Kit alone right now. And I also have to start concentrating on the road if I'm going to survive the night.

Inconsiderate, blind bastard. Of course, I'm being unfair, but I don't particularly care right now. I park the car and get out, a newspaper over my head to block out some of the rain. I enter the house without knocking and walk straight up to Kit's room.

Bingo. He's sitting there, looking utterly miserable, tears falling over his face, but he's eerily not making a sound. He's starting to look angry. This is so not good. "Kit, luv?"

"Liv?" came Kit's small answer.

"It's me, hon. How're you holding up?" I ask him, knowing it was a dumb thing to ask; but it had to be done.

"How am I holding up? That's a fucking good question. Damned if I know. How could he, Liv? How could he, for a single second, think that we're not worth fighting for?" Kit spat out. Good, he needs to vent.

"I don't know. He cares about you; you know that," I answer sensibly...that's me, Ms. Sensibility.

"Yeah. Cares so fucking much he gave me away for... what for? My own goddamn good? Since when does he know anything about what's good for me? He was good for me." Kit continues ranting. I let him because it's good therapy, or so I've heard.

" So... what? You sit there and get angry at him? Miserable over him?" I ask him. I'm walking on ice, I know...

" What do you want me to do?"

Wicked, wicked Liv. Bad me, really bad. Then again, it just might wake him up. "How's about we show him what he's willing to throw away?"

~~~

Liv's here, thank goodness – well, until she starts talking. I don't know what's gotten in to me, but I feel so angry and I know I can just let it out now. I don't know how I know, but I just know Liv won't care if I rant; so I do. "How am I holding up? That's a fucking good question. Damned if I know. How could he, Liv? How could he, for a single second, think that we're not worth fighting for?" This felt good, to put to voice the thoughts that had been swirling in my head.

"I don't know. He cares about you; you know that." Liv answers in her sweet voice damn her.

I shake my head and continue vehemently. I'm so angry. I've never been this angry. How could he do this? "Yeah. Cares so fucking much he gave me away for... what for? My own goddamn good? Since when does he know anything about what's good for me? He was good for me," I say, my voice cracking slightly on the last sentence, but I'm determined not to cry again. I can't; this is killing me.

Liv gets this look...that look...the look...oh no..."So...what? You sit there and get angry at him? Miserable over him?" she asks, the glint still in her eyes. Oh no… What has she got in that brain of hers?

"What do you want me to do?" I ask hesitantly, knowing I'd be blindsided by her suggestion.

She smiles wickedly before answering, "We should kidnap him and force him to realize how much he loves you and how much you love him." She ssounds completely serious.

I look at her, dumbfounded. Of all the hair-brained ideas... "Liv, you've got to be kidding. This is even crazier than your idea to put ants in Viggo's pants. I am not kidnapping Orlando. That is illegal!" I finally say back. She has got to be kidding.

"I'm not kidding; why would I kid about something like this?" she says back. Oh my gosh, she is serious.

"No, no, no, no. We are not kidnapping him. I don't want to land myself in jail," I answer, shaking my head.

"Well, okay then... You'll have to go talk to him," she says. "How about you go see him tomorrow?"

I look at her. "I don't know if I can do that," I say, my heart hurting and racing at the thought of seeing Orlando. I'm so scared to see him again. He didn't want to see me, that was obvious. Should I try? "Fine, but you're driving me."

"Alright," she says, with one of her famous Liv Tyler smiles. "Go to sleep, Kit, you look awful," she says in a motherly voice.

I nod and strip down to my boxers, not caring that she is there. Slipping under the covers, I listen, as she hums a lullaby, and fall asleep. A restless sleep filled with visions of Orlando.

Chapter Three

Someday somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Someday – Nickelback


~~~

How could I have done that to Kit? How can I being doing this, and for what? I shake my head and crawl into the hotel bed; I don't have an apartment yet. I wish I could go back to Kit, but I can't risk my job. I will go back someday. Someday... I curl up and then reach for the phone. Dialing the only person I can think of.

"Hello?" I say when I hear the phone answered. "Johnny?"

"Orlando, hey, what's up?" Johnny asks and I sigh in relief. It's nice to hear a friendly voice. "Hey, Orlando, is something wrong?"

"Yeah, everything," I answer softly.

"What happened?" Johnny asks, concern in his voice.

I sigh again and finally answer, "My agent told me to break off things with my boyfriend, Kit. So I did. I love him, Johnny. I messed up so bad, but it would ruin my career if anyone knew the truth about me." I was close to tears by the time I finished talking.

"Shit, Orlando, you really messed things up. You love him? Isn't Kit more important than your career?" Johnny answers and I wince at his words. "Orlando, you have to go back and make things right. You love him and you shouldn't lose that. It's not very often that people find love, and you have; you shouldn't leave it behind to be famous."

I shake my head, tears rolling down my face. "Johnny... I can't go back yet. He'll be too angry. He probably hates me." Even as I say the words, I know they are lies. Kit would never hate me; he loves me too much.

Johnny sighs into the phone. "Orlando, there's nothing I can do if you don't help yourself."

"Listen, I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed. Talk to you later." With that, I quickly hang up the phone and lie back on my bed, tears still falling from my eyes. I know I won’t get any sleep tonight.

~~~

I curl up on the couch. Kit's asleep, finally. I pick up the phone and call Viggo. "Hey Vig, it's Liv."

"Hey Liv, what's up?" Viggo's voice answers.

"Orlando left Kit," I answer, my voice laced with sadness.

"He did what?!" Viggo practically yells into the phone.

"The little fucker left him, okay?" I say, louder than necessary, feeling myself becoming more upset.

"I'm going to pound some sense into him. Any idea where he's staying?" Viggo asks, and I smile.

"No, but you might call Johnny. Who knows, the wanker might be over there," I answer, hoping Viggo can find Orlando and give him a good ass whoppin’.

"Yeah, thanks Liv. I'll talk to you later; right now, I have a little bastard to find. I can't believe that he left Kit!" Viggo says, exasperated.

"I know, Vig. I'll talk to you later; call me." I hang up the phone and curl up on the couch. I still can't believe it. Maybe we *should* kidnap Orlando. He certainly deserves it.

TBC…

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