Chapter One
Secret Desires


Ah, Viggo Mortensen...brooding, sexy eyes...moody...experience dripping from him. I love him, fuck it, I do, but I canít have him. He thinks Iím a child. Iím in my twenties, for fuckís sake. And Iím in love with Viggo. Beautiful Viggo. I sit here and stare at his lips, longing to touch them with my own. I wonder how he kisses. Probably the same way he does acting. He becomes the character heís playing. When he kisses, I bet he becomes the kiss, puts his soul into it.

Iím really starting to scare myself. I want more than just a good shagging with Viggo, even though that would be great. I want more. Fuck it! Iím the slut, whore and player of the set. Even though about a hundred percent of what they say about me is lies. Viggoís heard them, and I bet he believes them. Bloody hell... Shit, he just caught me staring at him and heís coming over here...fuck, fuck, fuck...


Heís staring at me again. His chocolate eyes are covered by blue contacts. They are still so expressive, though. I donít know how he does it...but right now, those beautiful eyes are staring at my lips. Damn...does he know how much that turns me on? I love him. I really do. I know all those rumors arenít true. Poor Orlando. Heís so young...yet not inexperienced or innocent.

I need to hear his voice...his sexy purring voice. I almost laugh at the panicked expression on his face as I walk over... I can never be with Orlando. He would make me lose control, but maybe that wouldnít be such a bad thing...

"Hello, Orlando."


Heís laughing at me. Fuck, that hurts. It shouldnít, but it does. His soft voice washes over me. "Hello, Orlando." I love how he says my name. I run my hand through my hair; well, the blonde wig. Ugh. I wish I could get out of this costume. These contacts are hurting my eyes. I shift from foot to foot nervously. Oh fuck, I need to say something.

"Ello, Vig." I say. My voice was unusually quiet and shaky...


The little wanker is nervous. I almost laugh again. I would have, if his voice hadnít stopped me. He sounded depressed, awful.

"Orlando, Whatís wrong?"

My heart was doing an unexpected twist at the thought of the happy-go-lucky-wanker being sad.


Whatís wrong?...An innocent question, you would think. Not for me. Whatís wrong is you, Viggo. I want you like Iíve never wanted a man before. Vig, you scare me. I just clear my throat. "Nothing, Vigs. Iím fine."

A weird look comes over his face, but I refuse to read anything into it. He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times as if deciding what to say.


For all Orlandoís perfect acting, he canít lie to save his life. I know my feelings are beginning to show on my face. The loveÖ The jealousy for any man or woman who has had Orlando. I donít know what to say to cheer him up. My mouth opens and closes and then I do the dumbest thing. "Tonight Iím taking you out to a club. You look like you need a couple of drinks."

I feel like killing myself. How could I have just done that!? I practically asked him out on a date! How could I have been so stupid? Okay...okay, itís worth it to see a grin on Orlandoís beautiful face. Look away, Viggo, youíre staring, I tell myself, averting my gaze to the ground.


Viggoís taking me to a club? Fuck, I must be dreaming. I need to wake up; not that I want to. I canít help but grin.

Going to a club with Viggo. I could pretend itís a date, and that Viggo loves me like I love him.

Just then PJ calls for us to come and get ready for a scene. I flash another smile and scamper off to my place. My stomach is full of butterflies as I call over my shoulder, "Alright Vig, but youíll have to dance with me..."


That smile really should be illegal. Itís killing me. I just wanna shove him down and molest him right here in front of everyone. I donít care.

Dance with him...he wants me to dance with him. Dancing with Orlando. I wish I had some time and paper to draw the images in my head.

I stare after him as he goes to take his place. I take mine, and I count the seconds till Iíll be able to pick him up to go to the club.

-Hours Later-


I stare at myself in the mirror, my heart pounding like it did when I was getting ready for my first date in High School.

What if Viggo didnít like my outfit, the way my tousled black hair fell across my forehead? I was about to change out of the ruffled white silk shirt and tight leather pants when he knocked on the door.


I ran my fingers through my hair once more and grabbed my wallet, putting it in my back pocket before dashing to open the door. The image of my many nights of wet dreams...okay, I need to change thought directions before I go crazy. I shake my head, slightly tilting it, seductively. Smiling coyly up at the emerald eyes.

Viggo was dressed in his usual style: a black button-up shirt and black slacks.

"Ello, Viggo. Iím ready."


I stood out on the porch for a good fifteen minutes before I had the courage to knock. Why was I so fucking nervous? Orlando was just my friend.

When he finally opened the door, I almost gasped in surprise. Well, not really in surprise so much as adoration. Damn, he was hot. I could barely restrain myself from kissing him. His words jolted me. I pulled my jaw back up and turned to go to my car.

"Okay, letís go then."

I walk to my car and sit in the driverís seat, I start it quickly, not allowing myself to look at the sex god that had climbed in beside.


Viggo was surprised at my appearance, I think. Iím not sure whether it was a good thing or not. Oh yeah, follow him to the car. Left, right, left, right, I think, to keep from stumbling. I manage to open the door and sit in the passenger seat without doing something stupid. Regardless of how graceful I make Legolas look, Iím a klutz. I stare out the window, forcing my eyes to not look at Viggo. I should probably say something. I canít think of anything, but I need to act normal. Which, of course, is hyper and bouncy. What to say...What to say?

"Hey Vig..." Okay...Iím going to make a fool of myself, but who cares...? "Could we pretend weíre on a..." cough "Ödate? You know, for fun?"

Oh fuck! Did I really just ask that? I almost open the door of the car and jump out, but I wanna hear what he says. Plus, the car is moving, and PJ would be really pissed if I got any more broken bones or bad injuries.


Orlando is acting weird... first he was all depressed, staring out of the window and crap. Now heís all bouncy and normal again. God, that smile. Heís so innocent looking. So beautiful. Oh yeah...Iím supposed to be driving. Keep eyes on road. Not on the sex god beside me.

"Hey Vig..." He pauses. "Could we pretend weíre on a date? You know, for fun?"

I almost slam on the brakes. What the fuck did Orlando just say? I must have heard him wrong. My heart is pounding. I try to keep my voice steady as I answer him.

"Sure, Orlando. If that would make you happy. Sounds fun."

Breathe, Viggo, breathe. I only wish it were a real date...but I can pretend. Pretend Orlando loves me the way I love him.

Chapter Two
The Club

*special guest appearance by Atti(aka Andrť SchneidŤr)


Heís shocked. Viggo almost slammed on the brakes, but I donít care. He said we could pretend. For one night, I can pretend Viggo wants me and loves me.

We arrive at the club and Viggo takes us past the line, talking to this giant of a guy. He let us in. Itís loud in the club.

I love it. My back has been bothering me lately. So a relaxing night at the club is just what I need. Viggo takes us to a table and then gets us both some drinks.

"Letís dance!" I yell over the music, hoping he would dance with me now. But he shakes his head.

"Maybe later, Orlando."

"Fine, Iím going to go dance."

I get up and move to the edge of the mass of gyrating bodies. I stay facing Viggo, running my hands across my body in time with the music. Swaying my hips provocatively to the beat. I watch Viggo watching me. Fuck it, why does he have to try to hide what heís thinking? Am I affecting him at all?


When we get to the club, I go to the front. I know Brock and he lets us in. Thank goodness, cause the bloody line is fucking huge. I lead Orlando to a table and then get us a drink. Fuck, he wants to dance so soon...I tell him I donít dance. I really canít. I know heís disappointed, but I really donít feel like embarrassing myself by dancing until Iíve got a good amout of alcohol in my system, even if it is this American shit they call beer.

I watch him dance on the edge of the crowd. The little bastard...the way heís tracing his body and swaying his hips. I struggle to keep certain parts of my body under control; of course, it isnít working.

"Fuck you, Orlando," I mutter under my breath. This was going to be a long night. Damn it, Orlando, stop beckoning me with you hands and eyes. Iím getting hard...damn you, Orlando.


I can tell now that Iím getting to him. Heíll be here soon...I hope. I want to be near him. To have him touch my body. I want to grind our bodies together. I want to feel if his body is affected by me as much as he affects mine.

Suddenly, I feel arms surround my body from behind. I turn my jaw drops...Atti! As we keep dancing, I ask him, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Iím dancing with you... But seriously, I felt like visiting my best friend and when he wasnít home, I decided to hit the clubs. And guess who I found...that best friend who isnít home. Why are you here alone?" Atti replies, having to shout over the throbbing pulse of the music.

"Iím here on a pretend date with Viggo."

"Why pretend, OB? I know you love him, and the way he looks at you...he loves you too."

"Will you help me get him?



Jealously is rearing its ugly head. Thereís someone dancing with Orlando. Heís young and handsome. His hands are touching Orlando, hips grinding against the back of him. It looks as if Orlando is in heaven. I have to do something; I canít stand this. With that, I walk over to them. Their eyes are closed as they move to the music. I yell over the music as I tap on the strangerís shoulder. "My turn."

The guy looks me up and down and then cracks to Orlando, "You didnít tell me your Dad was Ďere."

Damn. I take a deep breath to control my anger. Orlando just grins and answers. "I think itís time for me to have *chat* with my old man."

"Alright, maybe Iíll catch ya later."

The man has an accent and looks oddly familiar. I shake it off. I have Orlando now. Thatís all that matters. I move into the space behind Orlando, positioning my body so Orlando wouldnít feel my arousal. I move my hands over Orlandoís chest and stomach. The muscles are hard and defined. I almost groan in pleasure just at the feel of his body under my hands.

I want to shift so that my erection is rubbing between the globes of Orlandoís firm ass. He turns to me, saying something, but I canít hear him.

"What?" I yell, hoping he can hear me over the throbbing music.

"Letís get outta here."

Chapter Three
The Ride


Viggo turns me around at that and smiles. He takes my hand in his, holding it possessively. A silly grin is plastered on my face as we walk out and head in the direction of Viggoís suburban.

I climb in beside him and move to the middle, taking his right arm to put it around my shoulder so that I can snuggle close.

We donít have to say anything; both of us know that something has changed in our relationship. I can see heís aroused and I know I am. Iím pretty sure Viggo knows too.

"What next, Orlando?" Viggo asks, in a quiet confused voice that tears at my heart.

"I donít know, Vig. Letís decide at your house."


We left the club fast. I was relieved to be out of the noise. I must be getting old.

I hold Orlandoís hand, loving the callouses, and also softness of it. His hand fits mine perfectly, as if they were made for each other. I lead him to my car and let go of his hand, climbing inside and startingthe engine on.

When Orlando gets in, he snuggles close, putting my arm around him. Damn it, I will never regain control of this situation now.

"What next, Orlando?" I ask him this. I donít know whatís next for Were Orlando and I an "us" now? I sigh and listen to his answer, navigating the familiar road to my house, thankful Exene had Henry.

Chapter Four
The Living Room

Lyrics from Frank Sinatraís Ring-a-Ding Ding! album


Viggoís house is huge. Especially compared to the small flat I live in. The living room in which Iím sitting is big and airy . A plush couch and several lazy boy recliners. A coffee table in the middle and then an entertainment center one wall. I go over and shuffle through Viggoís CDs...Frank Sinatra, perfect! I put it in the stereo and listen to him crooning love songs. Viggo was taking his time getting our drinks...

I sit back down on the couch, but canít stay still. *Bounce bounce bounce.* Back to my old, usual bouncy self! A smile spreads on my face as Viggo walks in with two beers. He hands one to me; it is already open.



I sigh as I open the refrigerator and pull out two beers. Was this how I wanted to start a relationship with Orlando? With sex?

I shake my head; no, I wouldnít "have sex" with Orlando...we would make love. I know thereís a difference. I turn and head in to the living room. Frank Sinatraís crooning voice fills my ears as I come in.

"I didnít know you liked Blue Eyes," I say, honestly surprised. Who would have thought that the punk kid Orlando would like the Chairman of the Board? Orlando just shrugs. So I sit down and listen to the lyrics of the song just coming on. They were expressing everything I was feeling. I glance at Orlando; heís looking at me, so I turn away.

/Be careful, itís my heart, itís my heart,
Itís not my watch youíre holding, itís my heart,
Itís not the note I sent you that you quickly burn,
Itís not the book I lent you that you never return.
Remember, itís my heart,
The heart with which so willingly I part,
Itís yours to take, to keep or break,
But please, before you start,
Be careful, remember itís my heart!
Itís my heart,
This heart with which so willingly I part,
Itís yours to take, to keep or break, but please, before you start,
Be careful, be careful,
Be careful, itís my heart!/



"That song said everything Iím feeling about you."

Oh yeah, real smooth and romantic there, Vig, I scolded myself. We stare at one another.

"Me too, Vigs." Orlando says this in a shaky voice. God, I donít know; Iím so fucking scared... I gotta stop thinking.

"What next?"

"Well, youíll probably have to move closer..." teases Orlando with a smile. True, I was on the other side of the couch. So I scoot over to him. My leg is touching his; the contact sends heat straight to my groin. Itís affecting Orlando to. Then, before I can say anything, soft lips are pressed to mine in a searing kiss.

I open my mouth to Orlandoís soft, searching tongue. He quickly thrusts into my mouth, ravishing it until every corner has been explored, finally pulling away when weíre both out of breath.


Iíve never kissed a guy before. Viggo tastes sweet; I love it. I could bury myself in his mouth and never leave. His whiskers tickle my smooth chin, as I had just shaved this morning. I prolong the kiss as long as possible and finally have to pull away, breathless.

"Letís go to my room," Viggo says, taking my hand. He leads me in the direction of the bedroom...

Part Five
The Hall


Is it just me or is this hallway too long? I just can't wait to get my hands on Orlando's fine ass... I won't wait...

"Orlando, I want you now," I whisper hotly in his ear, turning and pushing him up against the wall. My lips suck, bite and lick the back of his neck as my hands travel down, exploring his body. I find the zipper of his pants and manage to pull them down over the bulge and then I realize that he isn't wearing any underwear...Oh God...One hand grasps his throbbing erection and pumps him as I remove my own constricting clothes with the other.

I pull away a little bit and pull down my pants and boxers, and practically rip my shirt off. Then, in turn, I do the same to Orlando. He is bracing himself against the wall, his perfect, firm round ass sticking out, begging to be fucked. I move closer and press against him, rubbing myself, letting out breathy moans of need...Then I bend down and spread his cheeks apart.


Oh my fucking God, he's going to fuck me right now. His kisses are brutal but delicious. ďOh God,Ē I moan, as he unzips my pants. I'm not sure whether to be embarrassed or relieved that I wasnít wearing underwear;, but, like duh, itís just obvious that you don't wear underwear with tight leather pants. Just common sense... Oh God, he's touching me.

"Ai, Viggo, ai!" I moan, thrusting into his hand. I brace myself against the wall.Should I tell him I've never done this before? I'm sure he doesn't know...but what if he stops? I want this, and he can't stop.

We're both naked now. He lets go of my hard cock and bends down to the ground. I take a deep breath, not sure what Viggo will do next. I gasp as I feel something press against my virgin opening. Closing my eyes, I take another deep breath. I restrain myself from jerking away when the wet finger is pushed in. I bite my lip and can't keep the muscles in my lower body from clenching. Damn it, it stings.


God, he's tight...I carefully thrust my finger into his hole.

"Relax, Orlando."

I don't want to hurt him... Finally, his body relaxes and I add another finger, scissoring them to stretch the opening.

Taking my fingers out, I spit on my hand and wet my cock. This will have to do; I can't wait any longer.


Oh shit, this hurts. I struggle to keep my breaths steady and not cry out in pain.

I feel something larger and harder than the fingers press against my opening. I bite my bottom lip as he pushes into my body in one swift movement, impaling me, tearing me, filling me... I taste the metallic bitterness of my own blood. It hurts. When he thrusts, it feels like I'm being torn in half. Tears well up in my eyes and fall down my cheeks; it hurts. God, it hurts...

"Fuck!" I moan, as a burst of pleasure tingles through my body. What the fuck was that? I moan again as he hits the spot again. Shit, I'm going to come and he hasn't even touched me!



I let out a low groan as he comes and cries out my name.


I never thought it could really happen. I feel his body tighten around me and the feel of his ecstasy sends me spiraling to my own, crying out his name as I climax.


My eyes close as I try to regain my breath, slowly pulling out, reluctant to leave the tight heat of Orlando's ass. Looking down, I see something red...

"What the...?"

Realization hits me...oh no...blood... But...he couldn't be...could he?

"Oh fuck, Orlando...I...shit...why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have done it like that... Oh, babe..."

I feel so distraught; this was Orlando's first? In a hallway? I hurt him... Oh fuck, he'll hate me now.

"I'm so sorry, Orlando."


Finally, I regain control of my body and then Viggo starts talking. I force my brain to focus, but come to my senses in the middle of what he's saying. My body hurts in places I didn't know I had.

"...didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have done it like that....Oh, babe...I'm so sorry, Orlando."

I turn around to face Viggo. He looks so forlorn. With a hesitant hand I reach up to caress his sharp jawline and chin. I smile a little.

"It's okay, Viggo. I...I guess I was scared that if I told you, you wouldn't have me. I didn't know what to expect."

I look at him apologetically, my hand still holding his chin.

"I wish I had known it was your first; I would have been gentler. I hurt you... You deserved to have had a special first time. Not here, in a hallway."

Viggo's jeweled emerald eyes look at me, tears pooling in their depths.

"Vigs, it was special and wonderful, because it was with you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but we can't change that."

I smile at him and release his chin, taking his hands in mine.

"I love you, Vig."

"I love you too, Orlando."

"What's next?" I ask teasingly. I'm sure there's a mischievous twinkle in my eyes, which reflects the one I now see in Viggo's.

"Hmm... Well, we need to get ourselves cleaned up. The bathroom is right there."

Viggo lets go of one of my hands and leads me to the bathroom door. He turns the handle and I wonder what new things lie in store for me behind this door.

Part Six
The Bathroom

AN: Thanks to Donna for the major help on this one. Love you always, my muse *Huggles* the bestest.


I still cannot believe I finally have Viggo. After all the times Iíve thought about it and dreamed about it, it finally happened.

I let Viggo lead me to the bathroom and I wonder what he is going to do. Even though I enjoyed it very much, I'm too sore to do it again so soon. I catch Viggo smiling at me and I smile back. God, I love his smile


I still feel extremely guilty for taking him so forcefully. If only I'd known he was a virgin; I could have been easier on him. I did enjoy it though; man he was so tight, and I cannot wait until the next time, but that time is not tonight. I need to show him how much I care.

I turn on the bath water, thankful that I had opted for the largest tub I could get. I pour some bubblebath into the water and watch as it foams up and the sweet fragrance fills the room.

I smile at Orlando and he smiles back. God how I love the way his eyes sparkle when he smiles. I take his hand and lead him to the tub. "Get in."


He said to get in the tub, so I do, slowly letting the warm water soothe my aching body. I watch as he lights some candles and then turns off the lights. It is very romantic and very thoughtful, just how Iíve always imagined Viggo to be. I know he feels a bit guilty for being so rough. I know I should have told him I was a virgin, but I was only thinking of having him inside me.

I watch him get into the tub with me, a smile playing across his handsome face. He pulls me closer to him and I feel my heartbeat quicken in response to his hands on my naked flesh.

I make the next move and kiss his lips. They are so soft and so warm; I feel as if I could never stop kissing them.


The candles make a very erotic glow in the room, perfect for the seduction scene I want to set up. I want him to know how much he means to me, so Iím willing do whatever I can to please him.

The water is warm and feels good but, to be honest, all my thoughts keep turning towards his naked body and how the candlelight plays off it, reflecting off the water in the tub. I reach out and pull him to me, but he surprises me by making the first move and kissing me. He is so young, so eager, and it excites me.

I moan softly into his mouth as Orlando's hand reaches down to stroke my already hardening member. Finally I have to pull away, owing to lack of air and the fact that Iím on the brink of another orgasm. Not yet...

"Mmm, Orlando stop," I moan, arching into the touch. Orlando looks at me like Iím crazy, but obeys and lets go of my throbbing member.

"Let's go to my room," I murmur softly, climbing out of the tub, though reluctant to leave the erotic atmosphere. We have to talk, and I can't do it in the tub with a naked Orlando. I hand him a towel and get one for myself to dry off and then we head towards the bedroom.

Chapter Seven
The Bedroom


I gingerly lie down on the bed, shifting slightly to find a comfortable position, sore from the fuck Viggo had given me just less than an hour ago.

"I'm sorry, Orlando." Viggo murmurs, his velvet lips brushing my ear. I sigh softly; I love him for his concern, but I donít want him to feel bad about it any more. I turn on to my side to face him, loving the toned muscles of his body. It is fully exposed to me, as we hadn't gotten dressed again.

"Vig, I love you... It's alright; you didn't know I was a virgin. I mean, the way I act you could probably have never guessed. I know that if you had known, you would have been gentler, but we can't change the past. We can only change the future. We have a future together, Viggo. I know we do, because I love you and I see that love reflected back in your eyes when you look at me," I whisper to him, sincerely kissing his face and neck in between words as I press our bodies together, both of us gasping at the contact. I will love Viggo forever. He's my Secret Desire, the one thing I have craved and will crave from now on.

"Youíre my secret desire, Orlando, but now that we're together, can we lose the secret?"


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