BLUE EYES...BLUE



Blue Eyes Blue – Nakago’s Song

I feel like I've been walking for a long time
in an icy desert.
Will the love that created me
forgive the power I have now?

I don't know how to love.
I've never been loved.


Blue eyes...blue
Countless sorrows
soon become deep darkness.
Blue eyes...blue
The memories of when I felt someone's warmth
are too distant...
Blue eyes...blue

I fell half asleep
while leaning against a cold wall.
"For me, fighting
is the proof of living" I mutter, alone

I can't feel "loneliness"
because I've never been close to anyone...

Blue eyes...blue.
The wounds piling up in the bottom of my heart
become blue thorns.
Blue eyes...blue.
What could have changed...
if I was able to protect only one?
Blue eyes...blue.

Blue eyes...blue
Countless sorrows
soon become deep darkness.
Blue eyes...blue
The memories of when I felt someone's warmth
are too distant...
Blue eyes...blue

~~~

Nakago can’t seem to see all that is good in life. He is a stone, cold and emotionless. Yet I know somewhere beneath that façade lies a wounded heart, but barriers carefully constructed since youth have left him with nothing but daughting memories of when he was human. He once loved. Once he had a heart. My own heart aches for him, wishing I could ease the pain that now tears him apart even without him knowing it.

He is a child in his soul. Yes, he is a powerful, unbeatable Celesitial Warrior, fierce and fearless in appearance, oh but inside, inside is a broken soul. I believe Nakago doesn’t even remember that he has a soul, having kept it locked away for so many years. I want to awaken him, to mend that soul. I would break my own to see him smile just once a genuine smile.

Am I a fool? I have given my heart to a heartless man, knowing full well I will only be trampled and led to heartache, but still I must try. I cannot live with the regret of never trying, that terrible unknown. The what could have beens would be too much to bear. I have to try to melt the icy walls around the shattered heart. I may not succeed but I will still try. I will pray that I will not fail.

~~~

I lay under him, listening to his ragged breathing. His body claims mine brutally. I am his. I gave myself to him. Though I’m not quite sure if I have made him more human or more of an animal. He ravages my body, and then leaves. I do not think that I have broken through. My confessions of love have done nothing within him. Nothing to melt that barriar between humanity and that cold despairing life he lives. I am not enough.

Nakago gently moans my name, “Amiboshi.” But that does not mean anything, he has done that each time. I think it is habit. I am nothing to him, another thing to use. I do not mind though. I love him with all my heart and I want to give him everything, even if nothing is given in return. He knows this. He knows what control he has over me. He relishes that power. Nakago is a controller, what he cannot control he desires to destroy.

Too soon I feel his seed fill me. I wanted it to last forever; I always want it to last, but as nature goes it always ends. Tonight something is different. Why does he not leave? “Nakago?” I whisper his name, looking at him questioningly.

He does not answer. Silently he lays beside me, pulling me against his body, his hold was firm and complete. My heart pounds quickly and I wonder why he does not leave. “Nakago…” I say again, looking behind myself to see his face.

The blond shushes me, something is in his blue eyes. Distant almost invisible. There is emotion there. An emotion, I cannot say which it is but there is some feeling within him. His blue oceans becoming alive. I smile to myself. Maybe…maybe my gift is not all in vain. Maybe his heart is awakening from its icy grave.

I close my eyes and was on the edge of unconciosness when I heard his voice. “You make me feel alive. I never feel alive, figting is my only way to know I am alive, but you…you have broken something in me. I simply know I do not want to let you go,” his voice was low and I don’t know if he knew that I was listening. My heart soars with happiness, though I know our journey is far from over.

“I love you, Nakago,” I say gently, turning in his arms to face him. “I will always love you, my blond warrior.” I smile, kissing his lips softly, he opens to me and I explore his mouth lovingly. I make him mine as I am already his. We belong to each other. He is still cold, but he is not heartless. I have become his heart and his soul.

With everyday his heart thaws more and soon I know we will be happy. He is changing and I know he will get passed his past with my help. I love him and he loves me now. I broke down those barriers because he let me in. Nakago is human again, he feels. I accomplished my task and I’m content with him.

I’m glad I took a chance and didn’t give up on him. I gave all of myself. Because I took a chance, because I stepped out on a chance I have been joined with my soulmate. Blue eyes are no longer blue. Blue eyes are alive and warm.

THE END


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