ALL BUT MY LIFE
ALL BUT MY LIFE
I would do anything for my brothers, Orophin and Rumil. They are my life, my all. One day, I did give everything but my life to save them. It changed my life, changed who I was. Took away my pride and my innocence. It left me broken and confused, until my brothers saved me in turn; this is the story of the sacrifice I made to save my brothers' lives.
Where are they, thought Haldir worriedly. The Southern flets were dangerous right now, with bands of roaming Orcs. His brothers had wandered off hours ago. "Orophin... Rumil... Orophin?...Rumil?..." His voice was becoming strained and desperate as he kept calling for them.
Haldir had been so intent on locating his brothers that he did not notice he was being followed. His worry grew when he sensed danger, and his calling became more frantic. Without warning, he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head before he fell to the ground, barely conscious. Forcing his eyes to focus, Haldir's pewter orbs took in the sight of an Orc. Behind the Orc were several more of the vile creatures and they held his brothers captive.
"Let them go," demanded Haldir, swaying slightly as he rose to his feet.
"Why should we?" asked the Orc. Lurtz found the ethereal creature beautiful beyond words, and he wanted him: wanted to touch him, hurt him, make him his slave.
"I'll do anything if you let them go. Do whatever you wish to me. Let me bear their pain," whispered Haldir, staring at his brothers.
"Very well," Lurtz agreed. Turning his head, he told the other Orcs something in a language Haldir didn't understand.
"I love you, Rumil and Orophin," Haldir called, trying to keep his voice strong. Before the twins could reply, though, the Orcs holding them knocked them out. Haldir swallowed and forced himself to remain calm. At least they would be free and alive.
"I am called Lurtz. Who are you, my new slave?" sneered Lurtz as he lifted a dirty, rough hand to cup Haldir's chiseled face. 'I will have fun with you,' he thought to himself.
Haldir hesitated slightly, then tried to move away from the hand, only to feel it tighten. "I am Haldir," he murmured, desperately trying to control his fear.
"Well, Haldir, you will serve me and do anything I say, understood? Good."
Haldir caught the hidden meaning in what Lurtz was telling him. He would be a slave... a sex slave. 'I shall lose my innocence to an Orc,' thought Haldir with remorse, but then he remembered this was the cost of keeping his brothers safe. He could endure this... at least he hoped he could.
"Haldir..." the whispered voice fell on his ears like a gentle caress... Celeborn.
"My lord," Haldir murmured as he turned to face Celeborn, their faces only inches apart. "My lord..." His sentence was stopped when Celeborn pressed their lips together. Haldir gasped in surprise, and Celeborn thrust his tongue into the sweet mouth. The older elf explored Haldir's mouth, creating new sensations within his young Captain's body...
A sharp pain shot up his arm as he was pulled from his reverie and reality hit him hard. A whimper of pain fell from his lips as his arm was twisted further. "Lurtz calls for you," the voice sneered, dragging him to Lurtz's bedroll.
"Ah, there you are, slave," said Lurtz as he dismissed the other Orc. "Take off your clothes," he demanded and watched Haldir undress. The pale lithe body lay exposed to Lurtz's lust-filled eyes. "Lay beside me," commanded Lurtz, undressing himself and looking at Haldir expectantly.
Haldir trembled in dread and fear as he lay down beside Lurtz. His heart pounded in his chest. The proud arrogant side of Haldir fought to maintain some measure of control; he didn't want to give Lurtz any unnecessary satisfaction.
Haldir gasped as he was pulled into a rough kiss. "Nay, please," he begged Lurtz as the Orc forced him onto his back. Lurtz then straddled Haldir's chest. The Orc pressed his long, thick member against Haldir's mouth, but the Elf refused to open his mouth to take it in. He had to try to fight this.
"Open up, you bastard," growled Lurtz, grabbing Haldir's jaw and squeezing it roughly. He smiled as Haldir released a cry of pain, which allowed Lurtz to shove himself into the wet cave. "Aiya," he groaned as he pressed himself all the way in. He enjoyed the gagging and choking sounds that came from the writhing creature beneath him, and he hardened even more within the mouth. A sneer lit his face as he thrust deep into the other's throat, choking him further.
Haldir's eyes were wide with shock. He struggled to breath, but Lurtz kept pushing his massive length down Haldir's throat. Tears fell down his face. The bitterness of Lurtz's seed filled his mouth at last. The scalding liquid tasted disgusting. "Swallow it!" He heard the gruff command and reluctantly obeyed. Haldir gagged a few times but was relieved that the hardness was gone. He struggled to stop the tears as the realization hit him: he was being used; he had truly become a slave. He turned his head to the side to hide tears that threatened to spill over.
Lurtz rolled off the Elf, sated for the night. He pulled Haldir into his arms and held him possessively. "Mine..." he mumbled as he fell asleep.
Haldir finally let the sobs fall from his lips. He missed Orophin and Rumil. Were they all right? Did they miss him as much as he missed them? Haldir fell into a restless sleep in the arms of an Orc, plagued by endless questions.
Dark. There was no light; it was even darker than night. They had blindfolded him. Haldir trembled in fear at the loss of his sight, his most important sense. His hands were tied behind his back, a rope tied around his neck, and he was gagged. The Orcs were treating Haldir as they would an animal, not even allowing him clothes. Around him, he could hear the Orcs talking, mostly in the Black Speech, which hurt his Elven ears. Some of the Orcs, though, conversed in the language of Men which Haldir had learned years ago.
"Do you think Lurtz would let us use him?" asked one of the Orcs.
"No, Lurtz is too possessive; the Elf is his," another answered.
Haldir's heart broke as he heard himself talked about as if he were no more than a possession. Tears soaked his blindfold, which caused him to flush with shame. He was scared... terrified, in fact. His feet were sore, but they did not let him rest. One of his captors would pull the rope around his neck if he fell behind. He hated that the first to know his body would be a filthy Orc. Haldir had been waiting; he had wanted to give himself to Celeborn.
Haldir knew how to Farspeak, but he wasn't sure if he had the strength to do it. He let the Orcs lead him, focusing all his concentration on speaking to Lord Celeborn, on the faint silvery warmth of the Sinda Lord's mind. He honed his thought like a dagger and thrust it as best he could toward that warmth. /Celeborn!/
Celeborn's face became pale as he listened to Orophin explain what had happened. "They took Haldir?" he asked in a choked voice. Tears pooled in his eyes before anger welled inside him. "Form four search parties and take them to where you were left. Send one in each direction. Find Haldir and bring..." He broke off suddenly, as a cry of fear cut through his mind.
The Elf-lord held up his hand to silence Orophin and Rumil. His attention focused on strengthening the connection. /I am here, Haldir,/ he answered. /Are you well?/
/For the moment,/ Haldir replied. The relief at being answered flooded his thoughts.
/Can you tell me where you are?/
/I do not know. I am blindfolded./
/Are you injured?/ Celeborn asked as his fists clenched, straining to keep *his* anger and fear from flooding Haldir's mind.
/Not badly. One of the Orcs has claimed me as his slave. I fear that he will force himself on me. Forgive me, my Lord./
Celeborn's fingernails dug into his palms, causing them to bleed. /I am sending out search parties after you, Haldir. We will find you, melethen./
/I fear it will be too late. Celeborn... he has already tainted me./
/No one could taint you, my love. Hold on to us. Do not let them destroy who you are. Remember that I love you and that your brothers love you. Let that comfort you. I swear, we will find you,/ Celeborn vowed to Haldir, feeling tears roll down his cheeks.
/I love you, too, híren. Please tell Orophin and Rumil that I love them, and not to blame themselves, / came the faint answer before the connection was abruptly severed.
Celeborn looked at the two brothers. "Haldir is alive, and he says he loves you. Go and form the search parties and bring him back," he commanded.
Orophin and Rumil nodded and hurried to obey, but Celeborn called to them before they left the chamber. "He also says not to blame yourselves. He made his choice to save you. Do not let your hearts be troubled by his sacrifice. Just bring him home."
The Lord of Lorien sat at his wooden desk and buried his face in his hand. Bitter tears soaked his face. Haldir did not deserve this fate. Celeborn put his faith in the Valar, because he was helpless to aid his love before he was defiled.
Haldir stumbled weakly on. Every once in a while, an Orc would hit the back of his knees and cause him to fall. His face flushed with anger and shame, but there was nothing he could do. He would not cry. He would not let them break him. He would stay strong for Celeborn and his brothers.
Finally, a halt was called. After several minutes, he was given some stale bread and a bit of water. He finished it quickly, afraid it would be taken away from him. Haldir knew that tonight he would be taken and his innocence stolen. Haldir mourned that he would not be able to give himself first to Celeborn, but his Lord's words repeated inside his mind. "We will find you, melethen. No one can taint you. Hold on to us. Do not let them destroy who you are. Remember that I love you and that your brothers love you. Let that comfort you. I swear, we will find you..."
"Slave!" came the harsh voice of his 'master'. "Get on your hands and knees!"
Haldir obeyed slowly and forced back sobs. He would not let Lurtz know how weak he was. He would not react, would not make a sound. The Sinda gasped softly when he felt Lurtz's grimy hands roughly grip his back. Something large and hard pressed against his entrance. His mind cried out desperately. Haldir tried to pull away, but the creature's hands grabbed his hips and gripped him cruelly. The Elf bit his lip as Lurtz forced him into position. His tortured scream rent the air when the hard member invaded his untouched body. He felt the skin tear and the blood begin to flow. Despite his resolve, pained cries and whimpered pleas for mercy fell from his lips.
Lurtz groaned his pleasure and began to thrust brutally into Haldir. The Orc enjoyed the agonized screams that the silver-haired Elf released with each thrust. He felt his climax wash through him, and he gave one final vicious shove before pulling out. He stood up and kicked Haldir in the stomach, knocking him to the ground. Haldir could hear the mocking laughter recede as his tormentor walked away.
When all was silent and he was blissfully alone, Haldir curled into a ball and sobbed, his will shattered. Pain radiated through him, a slow trickle of warmth sliding down his leg -- blood mixed with the Orc's noxious seed. "Oh, Celeborn," he whispered into the oppressive darkness, knowing that he would not have the strength to Farspeak again. Words spilled from his lips regardless, as though the hope alone could keep him alive. "I love you. I miss you. It hurts so much. I wish you were with me, my lord." With that final thought, Lorien seemed to pull the Elf into his merciful embrace, and Haldir fell into a deep, healing sleep.
'He is a lovely slave,' thought Lurtz. 'I will have to think of new games to play with him. His screams are like music.'
Celeborn's head snapped up when the faint whisper of Haldir's mind brushed across his own. The touch faded almost immediately and quickly vanished. Celeborn began to sob. The Lord of the Golden Wood broke down for the first time in his long life. He felt so helpless, for there was nothing he could do but wait.
Orophin held Rumil tightly against his chest as the younger Elf cried. He rubbed his brother's back soothingly, murmuring nonsense in an attempt to calm him. Orophin swore that he would kill the beast that stole Haldir from them. He would take revenge for all the pain the creature had brought upon those he loved. The Sinda kissed Rumil's brow and released him. The two shared a look of encouragement as they mounted their horses and rode into the forest in search of their beloved brother.
"Get up, Haldir," a gentle voice said. Haldir groaned and tried to sit up, but fell down again. He felt a gentle hand lift him up, and he was surprised to realize that his blindfold was gone. A strangled cry found its way to his throat and he looked up at the Orc in terror. "Shh... I have come to give you food and ease your pain if I can. You must be quiet, though," the Orc said softly.
Haldir stared in shock and noticed that the Orc didn't smell as bad as most of them did. He nodded numbly and managed to stay upright. Haldir took the plate of food the Orc offered him and ate it slowly, fighting the unease in the pit of his stomach. "Th-thank you," he stuttered, his voice hoarse.
"There is no need to thank me. What Lurtz has done is wrong. I only wish I could do more. My name is Bhaile," the Orc continued, watching to be sure Haldir ate well. He reached into a pocket pulling out some ointment. "I am sure he tore you badly. Will you let me try to make at least ease some of your pain?" Bhaile looked at the Elf, his concern evident in his dark eyes.
Haldir nodded numbly. He would do anything to ease the throbbing in his lower regions. He set the plate down and looked at Bhaile. "Why are you helping me?" he asked.
Bhaile sighed before he answered. "I'm not like most of my kind. I like to be clean and I find no satisfaction in hurting things. I just want to help you, make some amends for Lurtz's actions... You will have to lay on your stomach."
Haldir moved onto his stomach, spreading his legs with a low groan of pain. Bhaile coated one of his fingers with the ointment. Gently, he pressed the oiled finger against Haldir's entrance. He reached up to rub Haldir's back soothingly when the Elf tightened his muscles against the painful invasion. "Relax, Haldir. You must relax," whispered Bhaile.
Haldir felt the ointment begin to sooth his channel and mewled softly. The finger finally left him and Haldir sighed in relief. The pain continued to subsid and he fell quickly back into a fitful sleep before he could even thank the Orc.
Bhaile cleaned his finger and took a damp towel to clean off the dry blood from Haldir's body. When he finished, he put the towel back and left. He was happy that he could help the Elf, even if it was just a little bit.
The next morning, Lurtz shook Haldir awake and pulled him up. "Stand up, bastard," he said gruffly. Haldir looked at him fearfully. Lurtz laughed and slapped him, grinning at the yelp of pain. He reached down and stroked Haldir lightly. Haldir scowled, looking away. He moaned softly as his member began to fill. "That's it, get hard for me."
Haldir felt tears fall down his cheeks. It seemed to take forever for his sex to become completely hard. Finally, Lurtz let go of him and Haldir let out an unsteady sigh of relief. But, the relief was short lived as Lurtz took a strap of leather and tied it around Haldir's member, the pressure painfully tight. "Ai!" Haldir cried softly, wincing when Lurtz tightened it further.
"Don't take that off. You won't find any release until I say so. Understand slave?" Lurtz asked viciously, giving the length a sharp squeeze. Haldir grimaced in discomfort and Lurtz squeezed harder. "Jacluk, tie him up again. Blindfold him... tightly. I don't know how the other one came off." Jacluk came and bound Haldir again. He purposely stroked Haldir's sensitive shaft, pulling a moan of agony from the Elf.
Haldir's face flushed with shame while his body ached for release. He gathered his strength and worked on reaching Celeborn. /Celeborn? Can you hear me?/
Celeborn had just fallen asleep when the touch of Haldir's mind awakened him.
/Celeborn? Can you hear me?/
The Elf-lord couldn't help but smile at the familiar feel of Haldir's thoughts. /I am here, meleth. Are you all right?/
/I am alive. He took me last night. The pain was unbearable, melethen, and I lost a lot of blood. I feel worthless now. Later, another Orc came to me and gave me some healing ointment and food. Oh, I need you, Celeborn./
Celeborn thanked the Valar that Haldir was still alive after being raped by the vile creature. /I need you, too. I am glad someone took care of you./ 'Even if it wasn't me,' Celeborn finished to himself.
/Yes, I think I may have found a friend in Bhaile. But, meleth, I must go before I lose all my strength. Valar knows I will need it tonight. Do not worry about me, melethen. My brothers will find me soon. Until then, Lurtz wants to keep me alive./
/All right. I love you. Keep your strength up. I hope you can Farspeak to me again soon,/ Celeborn replied before he closed the connection. Weariness overcame him then, and he fell asleep.
"It appears the Orcs are returning to Isengard!" exclaimed Rumil as he studied at the direction of the tracks. "They appear to be a week ahead of us."
Orophin closed his eyes and sighed, knowing Rumil was right. "Let us continue," he commanded as he urged his horse on. The other guardians followed. They had to find Haldir, and soon.
Celeborn sighed softly as he paced the room. He had had found little sleep, and what he did find was filled with nightmares, which woken him. Flashes of Haldir's face filled with terror filled his vision, and he wearily closed his eyes.
There was a soft knock at the door what caused Celeborn to jump slightly before he answered it. He swallowed hard when he saw that one of his dearest friends stood on the threshold, Elrond Peredhel. The Half-Elf pulled him into a comforting embrace and Celeborn rested his head on the Elf-lord's shoulder and silent tears fell from his eyes.
"It is all right, Celeborn," Elrond murmured, holding his friend close. He had sensed his friend's distress in Imladris, urging him to venture to Lorien. "What has happened?" he asked.
Celeborn took a deep, shaky breath and led Elrond into his room. Celeborn drew Elrond onto the large bed, encouraging the Half-Elf to sit across from him. He folded his legs under him, and Elrond did the same, his pewter gaze questioning Celeborn's sapphire one. Celeborn sighed, offering a sad, watery smile. "I am relieved you have come, Elrond," he said quietly.
Elrond returned Celeborn's smile "I knew something was wrong and I had to come. Now, tell me meldir, what has happened?" Elrond asked as he reached out to take the Lorien Elf's hand in gesture of comfort.
Celeborn nodded. "Haldir," he breathed. Swallowing his sorrow, he explained the situation to Elrond. "A band of Orcs have taken him from us. Their leader... he has taken Haldir. I... Orophin and Rumil think they are taking him to Isengard." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment to control his raging emotions. "I am worried, Elrond; I know they have hurt him terribly."
Elrond squeezed his father-in-law's hand, sensing the deep felt sorrow and wanting to ease it in any way he could. Haldir was the love of Celeborn's life. Elrond pulled Celeborn into his arms, pulling them both to the mattress. He closed his eyes and prayed to the Valar that Haldir would be found soon... and alive. He held the silver-haired Elf through the night, humming a soft tune that he had sung to Arwen as a babe.
Haldir struggled to stay upright; the pain he felt almost overpowered him. He let out a tortured gasp when an Orc grabbed his member. He nearly crumpled under the touch. Tears soaked the blindfold; he wanted to reach out to Celeborn, but it used too much of his strength. He had little enough to spare and there was so much pain.
He hoped that Lurtz would leave him be this night. Allow him heal. He doubted it though as they stopped to make camp; Lurtz would never be so kind.
Orophin watched his brother stare into the glowing embers. Rumil looked awful, rings marred the fair skin below his eyes showing his lack of sleep. "Rumil," he said softly. "Come and lie beside me tonight," he offered, holding his arms open for his twin brother.
Rumil smiled weakly at him and crawled into his arms, curling against him. For one moment, everything was all right. For a moment, he felt safe and content in Orophin's arms. "I love you, Orophin," he said quietly and nuzzled his brother's neck.
Orophin smiled and tightened his arms. "I love you too, Rumil," he murmured. 'You'll never know how much,' he thought to himself.
They may have been twins, but Orophin and Rumil were very different. Orophin was but a few minutes older, and he looked and behaved years older. Rumil was the baby; he was smaller and had such an innocence about him that caused him seem even younger. Orophin sighed. It was that innocence that drew him to Rumil. That open trust, a loving innocence... Orophin knew he felt more for his brother than he should, more than was permitted, but there it was naught he could do.
Rumil soon fell into reverie, cuddled in his twin's warm embrace. Orophin smiled down at his sleeping angel and fell asleep himself, his secret desire held close. He knew he would have to wake in just a few hours to take a watch. If only they could remain like this forever, resting in each other's arms.
It seemed that the Valar had taken pity on Haldir, for Lurtz did not come to him that night. He eagerly ate his meager stale ration of bread and water, and then he gingerly laid down on his side. His body ached for release still, but it wouldn't be granted. With that bitter thought, darkness overcame him, a dreamless reverie encompassing him.
'That poor Elf' thought Bhaile as he watched Haldir, waiting for the others around him to fall asleep. He needed to tend to the magnificent creature. He hated how Lurtz was degrading the Elf; it made him angry and he wanted to help Haldir. Maybe they could escape, but they would have to have a good plan. They would only have the one chance.
When all had settled down and silence blanketed the area, Bhaile knelt by Haldir and gently shook him. Fearful eyes stared up into his, but Bhaile murmured, "Shh... I'm here to help you; stay quiet."
Haldir watched as Bhaile untied the leather rope that was around his member. The Orc covered Haldir's mouth with one hand and stroked Haldir's member with the other. It didn't take much to coax Haldir to orgasm, and Bhaile's hand muffled the sounds of pleasure. The Orc cleaned them both off and used the salve from the night before to carefully treat Haldir's abused channel.
Haldir looked at the elf gratefully but didn't dare to speak for fear of waking another Orc. The ointment, combined with the orgasmic release, exhausted and relaxed him. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt oblivion tugging at him.
"Haldir... I must tie you up as you were, otherwise Lurtz will find out someone has been helping you," Bhaile said. When Haldir nodded, Bhaile gently stroked the Elf's member back to arousal and retied it with the leather. "I am sorry," he whispered.
"You have done as much as you can for me. I am grateful for that," Haldir whispered back, smiling weakly at the Orc. He wished for the thousandth time that night that Celeborn were here, but it was not to be. At least Haldir was no longer alone. He had an ally. Haldir would do everything he could to ensure that Bhaile was spared when his brothers rescued him. Bhaile placed the blindfold over his eyes. Haldir could no longer fight the black oblivion that beckoned to him, and he fell asleep.
The next morning, Elrond woke up with the sleeping Celeborn still in his arms. He was worried, not only for Haldir, but also for Celeborn. This scenario was all too familiar… Celebrian. He was glad he hadn't told his sons what was wrong; otherwise, they might have gone into another mad rage. They had only just healed from their mother's parting; the wounds, still tender, easily opened again. Celeborn began to stir, and Elrond kissed his forehead. "Good Morning, mellonen. Sleep well?"
Celeborn yawned and nodded sleepily. "Better than I have in a long, long time," he said huskily. "Thank you." He looked at his best friend and smiled slightly.
"I'm glad to be here with you," Elrond said, holding the other close to him. His heart ached for his friend, and he tried to stay hopeful that Haldir would be all right. Even if Haldir survived, he would never be the same. It would take years for him to heal.
"I'm glad you're here. I need your support," Celeborn said as he smiled again at Elrond.
Elrond gave a comforting smile before releasing him. "Have you talked to Orophin and Rumil?" he asked as he stood up and stretched.
Celeborn shook his head. "Not for a while. I think I will today," he said as he got up and began to change his clothes.
Elrond nodded. "You should. I hope they find Haldir soon," he said softly, the last part almost to himself.
/Orophin?/ Orophin and the other guardians had stopped for lunch when he heard his Lord mindspeak to him.
/Yes, Lord Celeborn?/ he replied as they began to eat.
/How is your progress?/
/We're on their trail. Getting closer, I think,/ Orophin answered as he studied Rumil. He wished he had made Rumil stay behind. His twin looked terrible. As he briefed Celeborn, he went to his brother's side and pulled him into his arms.
Rumil snuggled against his older twin, wondering again at how just Orophin's touch could make him feel so safe and happy. He sighed contently and tried to keep from worrying about Haldir. He clung to this moment of happiness and security. If only things were normal, maybe he could talk to Orophin about his feelings, but this wasn't the time. Haldir was most important.
Orophin finally finished his conversation with Celeborn, and the link closed His thoughts turned to his twin and his feelings. Maybe when things were normal again, maybe then he would confess his feelings, but for now they had to find Haldir… and soon.
Orophin woke up the next day before dawn. He gently shook Rumil awake. "Rumil, it is almost dawn." The younger brother stirred slightly, his eyes slowly becoming aware. "We need to get breakfast ready. I want to leave as soon as the sun rises." Orophin watched Rumil, chuckling softly; his brother was so adorable.
Rumil yawned and stretched. Reluctantly, he sat up and crawled out from the blanket. "Morning," he mumbled sleepily.
"Rumil, make sure all the others are up; I will get the breakfast ready," Orophin told Rumil, watching as his younger twin scurried off to wake the other guardians and retrieve the ones on watch.
As soon as breakfast was finished, the company hurried on their way, all of them anxious to find Haldir. There was a nervous anticipation that morning as they spurred on.
At noon, Orophin called a halt. "Telin, climb up one of the trees and see if you can see anything," he ordered one of the younger marchwardens.
The Elf quickly obeyed, climbing up one of the large mellyrn. His blue eyes searched the horizon. Two miles away, Telin caught sight of the band of Orcs. He jumped down and looked to Orophin. "They are two miles to the Southwest," he said softly, bowing his head slightly.
"Hannon chen, Telin. Everyone, we must quicken our pace. We are close, and we can catch up to them before dusk! Today we will rescue Haldir!" When Orophin finished, a cheer went up from the Guardians. Quickly they went on, hurrying to catch up with the Orcs.
Haldir screamed as the whip fell across his naked back. He had yet again stumbled, causing Jacluk to whip him. The captive Elf's shoulders, back, buttocks, thighs and legs were covered with angry red welts. His silver hair was clotted with dirt, blood and semen. The Orcs had blindfolded him, and Lurtz had bound his hardened member so he would be unable to find his release.
Haldir could barely walk and stumbled blindly. Lurtz ordered the pace to quicken, but the beaten Elf could scarcely move. On he trudged, the fear of the whip driving him forward. How he hoped his brothers would find him soon! Haldir knew he could not endure this treatment much longer.
Hours passed, and soon the Guardians drew within arrow's range of the company of Orcs. Orophin ordered the rescue party to be extremely quiet. Rumil stayed close to Orophin as all the Elves drew their bows.
With a loud battle cry from Orophin, the clamor began. The Orcs scattered about even more so than usual.
As the battle raged on, Bhaile crawled to where Haldir had been abandoned and dragged him into the cover of the woods. The Silvan Elf sobbed slightly as his backside was struck. The Orc winced at every cry of pain, holding the lithe body close but loose.
Haldir gasped at the pain searing through his body, causing him to tremble violently. The war cries and sounds of the battle reached his mind and pierced the pain-induced haze, recognizing the voices of his younger brothers. "Orophin...Rumil," he rasped.
Bhaile gently removed the blindfold and the binding on the Elf’s arousal. "Who?" he whispered.
"My...my younger brothers. They fight!" Haldir exclaimed worriedly, trying to stand.
Bhaile gently held Haldir back. "Careful. They will be fine; do not risk your own death by going where you will be of no help and only in the way," the kind Orc said wisely.
Haldir nodded, too weary to fight. The battle was lessening; he could tell by the sounds. When almost all was quiet, he heard an anguished scream that pierced his soul. "Rumil!"
It seemed as if everything happened in slow motion, the arrow struck Rumil out of nowhere. He gave a pained cry that caused Orophin’s heart to lurch in his chest; slowly, the young Elf fell.
“Rumil!” Orophin screamed in anguish, too dazed to even continue fighting. The other guardians protected Rumil and Orophin as Orophin fell to his knees, sobbing; he gathered the trembling, dirty, blood covered body to his chest. “Oh Namo, do not take him, do not let him travel to your Halls yet!” he cried to the Vala.
Orophin’s loud, fervent prayers became whispered pleading. Life was still within Rumil, though his heart was still weakly beating and his brother's breath whispered through the pale lips. “Haldir...” the dry lips said softly. “Find Haldir.”
Orophin looked at several of the March Wardens, a silent command. Then, his eyes returned to the injured body of his twin. “Oh Rumil, do not leave me. You cannot leave me,” he begged the Elf.
One of the March Wardens that had stayed knelt beside the brothers. “My Lord, let me treat him,” the Elf said, holding out his arms to receive Rumil. Orophin was hesitant, but finally let the Elf take him. “Now I need you to start a fire and get some water,” he said, taking control of the situation.
Orophin simply stared blankly as the Elf began to carefully remove Rumil’s clothing. Orophin sat motionless on the ground. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even remember Haldir. He only knew blood... Rumil’s blood... and an acute sense of fear.
The Elf that was tending to Rumil finally looked to Telin, who immediately scurried off to find firewood and water.
Haldir could hear the soft plodding of Elven feet drawing closer. “Bhaile, help me stand, and stay behind me or they will kill you.”
Bhaile nodded, gingerly helping the injured, naked Elf to his feet. “Walk slowly,” he warned.
Haldir made a low whistle and, not long after, two Elves appeared. They looked at their nude, beaten, pitiful Captain and gasped. “This Orc behind me is my friend, Bhaile; let no harm come to him,” he said gesturing to the friendly, yet grotesque, looking creature.
The two Guardians stared at Bhaile in shock, but saw the stern expression on Haldir’s face and knew not to argue. “We will take you to your brothers,” the older Elf said, not mentioning that Rumil had been injured severely as they turned back to where the battle had raged just minutes before. The other Guardian glared at the Orc, but he dutifully followed the group.
Bhaile held Haldir as he walked, knowing that any touch caused the abused Elf pain. But, he knew that Haldir was not strong enough to walk on his own. “We are almost there, Haldir,” he said, keeping them both from stumbling.
“I will make sure they treat you with respect and kindness,” Haldir said, his voice firm though his breathing was heavy from his exertions.
“Don’t worry about me. You just worry about yourself,” Bhaile told him. “We are here,” he said.
The Elves led them to the center of the battlefield, where an Elf worked on saving Rumil while Orophin stood staring blankly at them. Guilt was etched on Orophin’s face; he was blaming himself for not protecting Rumil.
“Orophin,” Haldir called softly, still grasping Bhaile. “My brother.”
Orophin gazed in shock at the vision of his brother before him. His once strong and courageous brother was simply a beaten mess. Haldir's body was bruised and bloody; it was blatantly obvious he had been used, and his once radiant silver hair was matted and dull. Even his usually brilliant pewter eyes seemed empty, lifeless. The older twin even failed to notice the Orc holding up Haldir on his feet. “Haldir...” he breathed, unable to take his gaze from his brother.
Haldir smiled weakly, struggling to move until he stood before Orophin. “Melin chen,” he said softly. Exhausted, he leaned against Bhaile. “This is my friend, Bhaile,” he offered tiredly.
The Elf that was tending Rumil finally managed to bandage the wound. His hands were bloody as he turned, gasping in shock when his eyes fell on Haldir. “What in the name of the Valar?!” he exclaimed, his brow creasing with worry.
“My Lord, there is not much I can do! He is so badly injured and I doubt he will allow me to touch him. Keep him close to the Orc and let us make haste home,” the March Warden that had treated Rumil reported. “Lamdill is more prepared for something of this nature.”
Orophin nodded. “All right,” he said softly. “Prepare the others to leave as soon as they can.” The Elf bowed his head and left to gather the other soldiers. Orophin sighed in frustration. He wanted to scream, throw a fit to protest how unfair the whole situation was. Why did this have to happen to Haldir and to Rumil?
Rumil... What if he never got the chance to kiss those perfect bow shaped lips and explore that lithe body? He swallowed the sobs that threatened to choke him; he had to be strong for his brothers and the other Guardians. Orophin couldn’t afford to breakdown.
The company traveled as quickly as they could, somehow making a week’s journey in three days. Celeborn was waiting for them as they arrived, and a smile lit up his face when he saw Haldir. The March Warden has been bathed and clothed during their journey. “Haldir!” he exclaimed joyfully and walked swiftly to the horse Bhaile and Haldir were riding.
Haldir’s eyes were still dull as he looked at Celeborn, causing the Elf-lord to step back, aghast. Orophin sighed as he watched the silent exchange. Something had changed in his older brother, and it was not necessarily for the good. Orophin couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain Haldir felt, and he hoped that one day Haldir would be able to live again.
“Lord Celeborn, I am worried about Haldir. I was forced to drug him so that I could examine his injuries. No one but that Orc is allowed to touch him... but, m’lord, he was severely beaten and... he has been violated. I think there is more emotional damage than physical. We may never see the same Haldir again. I do not know if he will be able to heal in spirit or not,” Lamdill said, watching Lord Celeborn closely.
Celeborn took a deep breath, and kept a calm expression upon his features, though inside he was drowning in worry and fear. It took all his strength to remain silent and placid as the Healer explained Haldir’s condition in greater detail, each word tore at his defenses; Celeborn felt himself losing his hard-won control.
“Are you all right, my Lord,” Lamdill asked, studying the Elf-lord’s face.
“Yes, I am fine. May I see him, Lamdill?” Celeborn inquired, looking towards the door of Haldir’s room.
“You may, but be careful, my Lord.” Lamdill cautioned.
“Thank you,” Celeborn said before entering the room. Haldir was sleeping, and Celeborn studied the bruised and beaten face of his love.
Celeborn sat on the edge of the bed, and wisely refrained from touching his beloved. What if Haldir never recovered and he could never touch him again? Celeborn’s thoughts were frantic and wild as he gazed at the broken Elf. After long moments, though, he could no longer bear to look at Haldir and he left the sickroom, running away from the horror that lay before him.
“Celeborn, I promise everything will be all right, someday,” Elrond murmured into the sobbing Elf’s ear. “Be strong, meldir. Haldir will need you to be strong. Take courage; cry now and but grow stronger so that you may ease his hurts,” he whispered.
Celeborn clung to Elrond, crying as if he were a child; he couldn’t help the tears for the pain was overwhelming. When he had finally run out of tears, Celeborn wiped his face and blew his nose before turning to his friend. “Thank you, Elrond. You are a true friend.”
Elrond smiled. “I will always be there for you. Though, I do need to return to Imladris soon.”
Celeborn nodded, leaning against the Peredhel. Elrond hummed softly and soon the Sinda fell into reverie.
Behind the Mask
A year had passed; had it really been that long? Haldir and Rumil’s bodies were almost healed completely, but Haldir still suffered. The Elf couldn’t stand for anyone but Bhaile to touch him. His mind was healing much slower than his body had. His spirit ached that he couldn’t fulfill his love’s desires; Haldir was terrified at the thought of intimacy. He had to do something to show his love and devotion to Celeborn, even if it was something small…
Celeborn watched Haldir push the food around his plate. The younger Elf was obviously not aware of what he was doing or where he was. A soft sigh escaped Celeborn’s lips. Frustrated. He wasn’t upset; he wasn’t angry; he wasn’t hurt. He was simply frustrated and tired. All the Elf-lord wanted was to hold Haldir in his arms and never let him go. Haldir promised him that someday they would be able to hold each other, but he wasn’t ready yet. Celeborn began to wonder if Haldir would ever be ready. Dinner was finally over; at least Haldir had eaten something. “Would you like to take a walk with me melethron?” Celeborn asked softly.
Haldir looked at him hesitantly, but nodded. He never said much and so Celeborn didn’t push. They walked side by side through Celeborn’s private gardens. “Haldir, I love you,” Celeborn said softly, glancing at the Elf. The silence had been so oppressing that Celeborn had to say something and ‘I love you’ was all that came to mind.
Haldir looked back and, without saying a word, took Celeborn’s hand with his trembling one, holding it tightly. “I love you, too,” he whispered.
Celeborn watched the Elf, afraid that if he stopped walking the moment would end. He wanted this to go on forever. Simply touching Haldir gave him immense joy and pleasure. His blue eyes shined with happiness as he still gazed at Haldir. He knew there was still more healing to be done before they could consummate their love. Celeborn lived for that day. He was content to hold Haldir’s hand if that was all Haldir could do.
"Celeborn…I… I am sorry that I cannot share your bed with you yet. I want to, I just simply cannot...” Haldir said quietly, almost too quietly to be heard.
Those words totaled to more than he had heard Haldir say in days. Haldir was improving; Celeborn wished he could do more, but at least Haldir had Bhaile.
Celeborn wasn’t really needed.
Everytime Orophin caught a glimpse of his younger twin, his desperation grew. He needed Rumil, wanted him, but Rumil was so innocent. Orophin didn’t think he could desecrate his younger twin’s perfect body. Rumil would never desire him in such a way.
The soft call of his name drew Orophin from his thoughts, pushing back the longing that threatened to overwhelm him as he eyes fell on Rumil. “Yes, brother?” he answered.
Rumil smiled, sitting down on the bench beside his brother. “Are you not coming with me to see Lamdill?” he asked curiously; Orophin hadn’t met him at their usual place. “Is something wrong?”
“No, no everything is fine, Rumil. I was just thinking and I suppose I lost track of time,” Orophin said hastily. He hugged Rumil and smiled. “Is your arm feeling any better?”
Rumil grinned, nodding. “It is improving. I still wonder if it will ever heal enough to allow me to return to duty. Orophin, I feel useless!” Rumil said, letting his frustration show. “I cannot even string my bow properly!”
Orophin said nothing as Rumil began to cry; he simply held his twin in his arms, never wanting to let go. Orophin felt his body swell with need, but he quickly pushed it back. If there ever would be a time for it, it wasn’t now. “Shh… Rumil. You are not useless. We just have to keep working,” Orophin whispered soothingly. “Everything will be okay. Haldir will heal and so will you. Things will become better, I swear it to you, Rumil,” the older twin vowed.
Rumil batted at his eyes, and his pewter eyes widened when Orophin wiped away his tears, leaning in just a breath away. The young Elf’s heartbeat stuttered as he gazed into Orophin’s eyes. A tremble rose in his slight frame. “Orophin?”
Orophin turned his head, pulling back. “Come, we will be late,” Orophin muttered, taking his brother’s hand and leading him to the healer’s talan.
Rumil’s heart was still fluttering when they arrived at Lamdill’s. What was this feeling soaring through him? Rumil had never had such a reaction to anyone. What did it mean? He didn’t know; the only thing Rumil knew was that he wanted to feel it again.
“Bastard Elf,” Lurtz sneered, kicking Haldir in the abdomen. Orcs surrounded him, hitting, kicking. There was Lurtz in the center of his pain, sitting now between his legs, pushing in his tight unprepared body. Haldir screamed…
Haldir sat up in bed sobbing, curling up on himself. “No, leave me alone. Go away,” he mumbled incoherently. Flashes of the dream were recalled and he shook in terror and emotional torment.
“Haldir?” Bhaile whispered soothingly, not touching the Elf. “Are you all right?”
Haldir forced his eyes to focus on Bhaile. “B…Bhaile, make them go away. Why will they not leave me be?” he sobbed, reaching blindly for his friend.
“Shh, Haldir. They’re all dead. They can’t hurt you again,” Bhaile murmured comfortingly. He held the terrified Elf, so much like a child; too much like a child.
Celeborn watched as Bhaile held and comforted Haldir, feeling so helpless. He wanted hold Haldir, stroke his silken locks, comfort him. Celeborn simply wanted to be with Haldir. “Oh Haldir, curse the one who broke you. It is too bad that he is already dead. I fear he died too easily,” Celeborn whispered angrily, turning away. No one would know that behind the mask of anger the great Elf-lord was falling apart.
-Three Months Later-
“Orophin! Help me with this!” Rumil pleaded, watching his twin’s amused face. “Please, Orophin. I can’t string it,” Rumil whimpered.
“Rumil, if I help you, you’ll never be able to do it on your own. Keep trying ‘Mil,” Orophin encouraged. His heart wanted to give in, but to do so wouldn’t help Rumil heal.
Rumil glared at Orophin, his face clouded in frustration. He finally gave up, setting the bow down. “I can’t do it, Orophin,” he whispered dejectedly.
Orophin knelt before Rumil, reaching for his hands. “I know you can. We just have to work harder. I love you, and I know you can do it,” Orophin told Rumil firmly.
Rumil joined Orophin on the ground and looked into his brother’s eyes. “You love me?” he asked softly.
“Of course I love you!” exclaimed Orophin, staring at Rumil in shock.
“I know, but I mean… Orophin do you love me as... as more than your brother?” Rumil asked shyly, looking away from his brother's face.
Orophin’s eyes widened in shock, and he opened and shut his mouth several times before words would emerge. “You mean do I love you as a lover?” Could it be that Rumil returned his feelings? Orophin's heart beat rapidly, his mind not believing that Rumil could feel such affection for him.
Rumil continued to avert his gaze, and he blushed as he nodded.
Orophin smiled broadly. “Yes, I do… I’ve loved you for so long now. Why do you ask this? Do you love me in the same way?” Orophin asked, his tone almost desperate.
Rumil grinned bashfully, and he threw his arms around his brother's neck. “Of course I do! I’ve loved you since I was little. I’ve always thought you would never think of me that way… but… you do… and I’m so glad you feel the same,” Rumil rambled.
Orophin pressed his lips to Rumil’s, cutting off his younger brother's words. They kissed slowly and softly, exploring each other for the first time in such an intimate manner. Their hearts beat as one as they held tightly to one another, and the kiss became more passionate.
Orophin pushed Rumil back gently on the grass, half-laying across him. His fingers pushed past the bottom of Rumil’s tunic, and he caressed the soft skin of Rumil's belly.
Finally, the kiss ended and they pulled their lips apart. “Orophin,” Rumil breathed, staring up at his brother with eyes full of wonder. “You kissed me…”
Orophin looked at Rumil for a moment, and then began to laugh, and his head fell down to Rumil’s chest. “I love you,” he finally said, bringing his gaze level with his younger brother's. “I wanted to kiss you for so long… and now your lips call to me like sweet honey. Let me have another taste,” Orophin murmured, shifting to bring their lips closer together.
Rumil’s eyes filled with tears as he threw his arms around Orophin’s neck and pressed his lips to Orophin’s passionatly. His young heart fluttered, feeling Orophin’s slightly rough hand caressing his stomach. The younger brother’s skin tingled with excitement and he pulled the other closer, wanting more of Orophin.
“I love you too, Orophin,” Rumil gasped when their lips finally parted. He forced his blue eyes to focus on his brother's beautiful face.
Orophin reached his hand down to cup Rumil’s arousal. “I want you…” Orophin whispered into his younger brother’s ear.
Rumil shifted away from Orophin’s hand, and shook his head. “Please, Orophin, can… I’m not ready,” Rumil said softly, his eyes pleading for understanding. “I want to wait…”
Orophin smiled and pressed his lips to Rumil’s in a gentle kiss. “Okay,” he said, holding the Elf close. Content in their mutual embrace, Orophin smiled. “I’ll wait forever for you.”
“Haldir… Do you still want to go on the picnic today?” Bhaile asked Haldir, smiling widely at the Elf. “I have some sandwiches, fruits and drink.”
Bhaile continued to talk, and Haldir watched him. The Elf hardly ever said anything. His eyes were still dull and nothing seemed to get through to him. Though, occasionally, Haldir responded to the Orc. It seemed Bhaile knew what Haldir needed.
Finally, Haldir nodded, his pewter eyes lifting to meet Bhaile’s. He still said nothing, but at least he showed signs that he comprehended the words spoken to him. His face showed no expression; it was almost as if he had no emotions, as if he had closed that part of himself off.
The Elf had been injured so badly, even more so mentally than physically. Haldir’s body had healed, but his mind was still in turmoil. Those around him began to wonder if the fire would ever return to his eyes; they wondered if the Haldir they knew would ever come back. The answer to that question was yet to be seen. It’s doubtful that Haldir even knew the answer to that question, but everyone still loved Haldir all the same. They prayed to the Valar everyday, interceding on the Elf’s behalf, but it seemed that Haldir never noticed… or seemed to care.
Bhaile sighed, watching Haldir quietly. His black eyes filled with worry, but he covered it with false cheerfulness. Bhaile smiled and took the basket he had set aside. “Come on then! The sun’s shining and the birds are singing; it’s a beautiful day!”
Haldir, silent as always, followed Bhaile into the gardens. The pair sat beside a cascading fountain that bubbled merrily. The Orc laid the blanket out and spread the food on the soft surface. “Come eat, Hal,” Bhaile invited, softly patting the place across from him.
Haldir quickly complied, sitting as asked, and then crossing his legs. Blankly, he watched Bhaile fix his food, and mechanically accepted the plate that was handed to him. The Elf pushed the food around, not interested in eating. With detached interest, Haldir listened to Bhaile’s cheerful chatter. His mind, though, mulled over thoughts of everything that had happened. His mind was consumed with grief for all he had put others through and what they still endured because of him.
Bhaile was frustrated. It seemed nothing he did could cheer the desolate Elf. Haldir was his friend, and yet he was helpless to help the only person he really cared for.
Haldir noticed when Bhaile stopped talking, a thoughtful expression plastered on his face. He could talk to Bhaile. Bhaile knew more about Haldir than most did; never had Haldir spoken of his captivity, and no one ever asked him to share the stories. “Bhaile… I… I want Celeborn to make love to me, but… but I’m frightened to let him touch me,” Haldir stammered out, his voice soft and his eyes open, all his thoughts and feelings reflected in his expressive gaze.
Bhaile looked up at Haldir, shocked -- not so much by what he had said, but by his voice. “Hal?” he said softly, and then smiled widely. “You love Lord Celeborn, don’t you?” Bhaile asked.
Haldir glanced down, blushing. “I do love him. I have for years. We… before… we were courting secretly. We never went further than a kiss. I was saving myself for when we could be married. But… *he* took that from me,” Haldir whispered. His words became broken as he continued to speak. For the first time, he was able to truly cry. He bared his heart for Bhaile to see.
The tears of his friend stirred Bhaile’s heart. His own throat tightened as he moved to sit beside Haldir, drawing him into a loving embrace. “Go ahead, cry it out, Haldir,” Bhaile encouraged. “Everything is going to be fine... eventually. I know Lord Celeborn still cares for you. When you are up to it… go speak to him. Tell him what you have told me,” Bhaile advised, stroking Haldir’s hair.
Haldir cried into Bhaile’s chest, letting the Orc hold him as if he were a child. “You’re right, meldir,” Haldir whimpered. His hold tightened on Bhaile. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know what I would do without you,” Haldir said looking up at Bhaile with his red-rimmed eyes.
Bhaile grinned and hugged Haldir tightly. “And thank you for all you’ve done. You’ve been a good friend to me. It’ll be all right someday. You’ll see.”
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